When your YOUNG and SINGLE in a city, FRIENDS are your FAMILY

Things have taken a turn in my life. At one point i thought things will just stay the way it would be, unfortunately it has taken a wrong turn. I feel that my "happiness" has been taken back just like that. Now i’m just one miserable women thinking wut would happen if i lost it completely. People can change so easily. I’m missing the happy moment that i had before. I honestly thought it would last but unfortunately things have been slowly changing and i’m really really afraid that i will never have that moment again, but instead…i will completely lose it. This "letter" below is dedicated to a special sumone.

"I may sound happy to you, I may sound normal to you…but the real fact is…i’m crying a river inside my heart. The pain that i’m feeling right now….u can’t imagine. If only i have the guts to tell you how much i need u in my life.
If only i have the guts to tell you how much u have completely change. U weren’t the person i knew before. But i don’t dare to tell u that..coz i know..the way ur acting right now…is because of my fault.
If only i have the guts to tell you that i have fallen in love with you but once again i don’t dare to tell you that coz u might not feel the same way about me…and i’m scared that my luv for u will be rejected and i dun want to be hurt anymore so it’s best for me to just keep my feelings for u inside of me.
Eventhough i’ve been with several guys before this…but I have this strong feeling that ur actually my first real love and that’s why it’ll hurt so bad if my feelings get rejected by you. I have my own reason why i said this.
I’ll be leaving in a few weeks time…and before this i felt so hard to leave u behind but as things between us have slightly change…maybe it’s better for me to leave. Maybe then my presence here will be more appreciated by u.
I’m not sure if u’ll be reading this but i wanna take this opportunity to say sorry to u.

I may not be the perfect person for you but I hope u forgive me for all the wrongness that i’ve done to u and thank u for everything u’ve done for me. Right now…all i can do is praying for the best from Allah…and if there’s fate between us, insyaAllah we’ll be together."

Haha…i know it’s too early for birthday wishes considering my birthday is not for another 3 months plus. This year will be my 3rd year celebrating my b’day in the UK without my family. But i’m grateful for having friends yg tak pernah lupe celebrate my b’day. In my opinion…birthday’s are very important. It shows how much a person remembers u. For me…i dun really care bout getting tons of presents…it’s the thought that counts. A simple wish or card is good enough for me.

However..there’s this one b’day wish that I’ve been longing for..and it’s kinda impossible for it to come true but i dun mind sharing it here. I wanna spend one whole day with the person i love. We’ll start the day by having breakfast..and then we’ll take a drive to one of the beaches. Take a walk along the beach, holding hands, have long talks. After that…have lunch. Then…take a slow drive back home. At night…he’ll take me in the middle of an open field….spread a blanket there..gaze at the stars. At the end of da day…i’ll definitely reward him with a nice long warm kiss. Hehe…

But yeah..it’s impossible so…it’ll just remain as a fantasy. Till then….tata.

The word DEPRESS can be defined as…lower someone’s spirit. I’ve been depressed loads of times and believe me….it sucks. The year 2006 and half of 2007 was one of the worst "DEPRESSION MODES” that I have faced my entire life. Looking back at it…it was really stupid of me to waste those few months being unhappy. But people just don’t understand wut i really felt at that time. When ur depressed…u feel like u just wanna be alone in ur own world…and from my experience…it is actually not a good idea as it can lead to commiting suicide or do things which are stupid. "Depressed" people should be taken seriously. If there is a friend out there…who u think needs ur help…pls lend them a helping hand. Eventhough u might not be able to settle wutever problems they are facing….just be there for them. At least they know that there are still some people who really really care about them. Divert their mind away from thinking about the problems. Do stuff which can make ‘em happy.
During my "depression mode"…for the first few months…i isolated myself…i thought i could handle the problems all on my own…and furthermore i was the type of person who doesn’t like sharing my problems with anybody. Anyway…I failed. I changed from bad to worst.  I couldn’t think clearly at that time. So..i made a decision to talk to my friends about it….get it out of my head…and alhamdulillah…the pieces of my life which was shattered had been glued back together piece by piece. I wanna take this opportunity to thank all of em for being there by my side..and stuck by me throughout the whole process. What i wanna be right now…is that I wanna be a stronger person. I wanna try so hard to not let my emotions take control over my body. This is one of the major weaknesses that I have…but I’ll try and overcome it. InsyaAllah….

Everyone has their own dreams. Dreams to be rich…get a perfect life…achieve their ambitions. Ade jugak certain people yg have other types of dreams…like in the movies or fairytales. As for me…I too have certain "silly" dreams yg kalau jd kenyataan…mmg it will make me happy. And…I dun mind sharing it here..in case ade sape2 yg nk jdkan my dreams ni kenyataan. Hehe…
So…those "silly" dreams that i’ve been longing for…is to dance with the guy that i love…accompanied by any kind of love song during a romantic dinner..and after that..he’ll take me somewhere secluded..get really comfortable…and he’ll pull me towards him and hug me…and slowly kiss me and make out. Hehe…but i know semua ni is just a fantasy. But when i’m married in the future…maybe my future husband will make this dream come true? Who knows?

    [Diddy:]

Last night,

I couldn’t even get an answer.

Tried to call,

but my pride wouldn’t let me dial.

And I’m sitting here,

with this blank expression.

And the way I feel,

I wanna curl up like a child.

I know you can hear me

I know you can feel me

I can’t live without you

God please make me better

I wish I wasn’t the way I am


[Keyshia:]

If I told you once, I told you twice,

you can see it in my eyes.

I’m all cried out,

with nothing to say.

You’re everything I wanted to be.

If you could only see,

your heart belongs to me.

I love you so much, I’m yearning for your touch.

Come and set me free,

forever yours I’ll be,

baby won’t you come and take this pain awayyyyy.

[Diddy:]

Last night,

I couldn’t even get an answer.

Tried to call,

but my pride wouldn’t let me dial.

And I’m sitting here,

with this blank expression.

And the way I feel,

I wanna curl up like a child.

[Keyshia:]

I need you,

and you need me.

This is so plain to see,

and I will never let you go and,

I will always love you so.

I will…

If you could only see,

your heart belongs to me.

I love you so much, I’m yearning for your touch.

Come and set me free,

forever yours I’ll be,

baby won’t you come and take this pain awayyyyy.

[Diddy:]

Last night,

I couldn’t even get an answer.

Tried to call,

but my pride wouldn’t let me dial.

And I’m sitting here,

with this blank expression.

And the way I feel,

I wanna curl up like a child.

[Diddy:]

Tell me the words to say,

to make you come back,

and work me like that.

And if it matters I’ll rather stay home,

with you I’m never alone.

Don’t want to wait till you’re gone,

let me be, just don’t leave me.

[Diddy:]

Last night,

I couldn’t even get an answer.

Tried to call,

but my pride wouldn’t let me dial.

And I’m sitting here,

with this blank expression.

And the way I feel,

I wanna curl up like a child.

[Keyshia:]

I need you,

and you need me.

This is so plain to see,

and I will never let you go and,

I will always love you so.

I will…

If you could only see,

your heart belongs to me.

I love you so much, I’m yearning for your touch.

Come and set me free,

forever yours I’ll be,

baby won’t you come and take my pain awayyyyy.

[Diddy:]

Last night,

I couldn’t even get an answer.

Tried to call,

but my pride wouldn’t let me dial.

And I’m sitting here,

with this blank expression.

And the way I feel,

I wanna curl up like a child.

[Keyshia:]

I’m so alone I’m soooo lonelyyyyy,

Why don’t you pick the phone,

and dial up my number,

and call me a baby,

I’m waiting on you.

Why don’t you pick the phone,

and dial up my number,

just call me a baby,

I’m waiting on you.


[Phone dialing and ringing]

[Diddy:]

Hello

Hey waz-up

I’ve been tryin’ to reach you all night

That shit ain’t funny not picking up the mutha fucking phone

Better stop fucking playing with a nigga’s feelings like that

You know how much I love you though right?

But for them couple of seconds though,

When I couldn’t get in touch with you.

I’m ready to come over your house and shoot that mutha fucker up

You better fucking not be there when I get over that house

[laughing]

That’s really how it goes down right?

Kehidupan ini…memang sukar dijangka. Kadang2, kite terlampau yakin dgn ape yg kite dah capai. Tp…pernah tak terfikir…kdg2 sesuatu kegembiraan yg kite kecapi tu..mungkin mengundang kemusnahan and kesedihan in the future. Macam mane pulak sebaliknye? Kalau sekarang ni kite sentiasa dilanda malang…tp siape tau…mende2 tu semua akan merubah our life in the future? This is life….life’s interesting coz kite tatau wut’ll happen in the future. Life’s like a riddle. But one thing’s for sure…the decisions that we made today…will definitely have a big impact in the future. U can’t change that back. Once a decision has been made…it’s final and u have to go through wutever circumstances u might face.

My life for the past 20 years have more ‘downs’ than ‘ups’. I can count dgn jari berape kali i was happy…kalau in terms of percentage…i think i’ve been happy for only 10% of the time. And ade jugak few times terase macam nk commit suicide coz terlampau tertekan sgt2. Tp..alhamdulillah…masih waras…and my life diteruskan until now. Right now..and for the rest of my life…i’ll always pray to God so that my life’ll be much better and happier in the future. I’ll never ever give up….selagi umur masih panjang..i wanna live every second of my life to the fullest. I wanna graduate, get my professional cert, have a steady job, marry the man i love, have about 2-3 kids (Insyaallah)…and repay my parents for all the hard work they’ve been through untuk membesarkan my sis and i. I think my life’ll be much better if i have someone to support me all the way..coz i’m the type of person yg sgt2 lemah. And…for now..i have found someone yg tak pernah putus asa in helping me. He’s one of the best things that happen in my life and i really2 hope the relationship that we build between us takkan pudar forever. InsyaAllah. So…to that special someone…if ur reading this…i wanna say thank u so much for existing in my life. It’s tough for me to repay every kindness that u’ve given me…and i’ll never ever forget u. Thank u so much.