When your YOUNG and SINGLE in a city, FRIENDS are your FAMILY

yep..i’m back wif a new post…let’s talk about life for da 2nd time…as quoted by Barbara Hall, (A Summons to New Orleans, 2000), " You’re alive. Do something. The directive in life, the moral imperative was so uncomplicated. It could be expressed in single words, not complete sentences. It sounded like this: LOOK, LISTEN, CHOOSE, ACT" ….based on the last four words..that’s what we usually do rite? We look and observe things that happen around us, we listen and take note of the good and the bad, we then choose which path suits us and lastly..we act towards the path we chose. However….sometimes we chose the wrong paths which will lead to negative things in da future. Some can be mend and some can’t. As a teenager…besides the love of my family…i felt like i need additional love from someone. Someone who will not only be my lover…but my best friend as well. I thought i have found that guy…but soon it turns out that i was being "FOOLED & CHEATED" by him. I was heart broken at that time. Nobody understood how i felt. I didn’t cry. I acted normally in front of my friends…but the pain that i suffered…only GOD knows. I thought that i could keep it to myself without telling anybody. His class is next to mine so there was a probability of seeing him everyday. Everytime i saw his face…i felt ashamed, angry, humiliated and damn bloody stupid. I managed to keep it a secret for almost two weeks. One day…i just couldn’t stand it…so i told my friend. I thought that i could tell her without shedding a tear…but instead..i cried for almost 5-6 hours.  All the pain that i suffered, was 60% cured but it changed my perspective towards guys. I told myself to not trust anybody 100% (except my family)….don’t believe in those "SWEET TALKS" that guys usually give, and lay off of guys for a few months or maybe years. I’m not ready to get engaged in a new realtionship just yet. It’s gonna take a long time for this heart to be healed. I’m happy to see my friends happy with their boyfriends. I told myself how lucky they are to find a guy who accepts them in their life. At times i felt jealous coz i am lonely with no one to talk too, no one to share my secrets, no one to share my love (besides my family). In short…i’m lonely. I felt empty. No one to hear me smile, no one to hear me cry, no one to hear me laugh. I realised that i need someone….but i think the time hasn’t come for me yet.  The other reason is i’m not as beautiful or as sexy as other girls(because that’s not who i am) therefore i’m not qualified to have a guy in my life. But..i’m happy to have friends who understand what i’ve been through. They have always been there for me. Through my ups and my downs. They gave me full support. I truly truly appreciate it.  Whatever it is…i dun think my heart is opened yet to guys. I need time to mend my broken heart. In the mean time…i may still be a lone ranger. But it’s better to be lonely than to be "FOOLED & CHEATED".

Everytime i sit alone in my room..i look outside the window, i kept getting flashbacks from the memories of the past. Some are really really sweet…but some are damn bloody bitter. There is one bitter memory that i’m trying to get rid of it…but somehow…i just couldn’t. The harder i try, the harder it is for me to get rid of it.  I’m not in da mood rite now to tell the whole story…maybe some other time. However this poem below is one of my favourites. I was that girl once…however..the guy didn’t understand…so to all guys out there..plz read dis and the rest is up to you.

If a girl cries in front of you,
it means that she couldn’t take it anymore.
If you take her hand,
she would stay with you for the rest of your
life;
If you let her go,
she couldn’t go back to being herself anymore.

A girl wont cry easily,
Except in front of the person
who she love the most,
she becomes weak.

A girl wont cry easily,
only when she loves you the most,
she put down her ego.

Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you
please hold her hands firmly,
she’s the one who would stay
with you for the rest of your life.

Guys, if a girl cries bcoz of you,
please dont give her up,
maybe bcoz of your decision,
you ruin her life.

When she cry rite infront of you,
When she cry bcoz of you,
Look into her eyes,
Can u see n feel the pain n hurt she’s feeling?

Think.
Which other girl have cried
wif pure sincerity,
Infront of you,
And bcoz of you?
She cry not because she is weak,
She cry not bcoz she wan sympathy or pity,
She cry,
Because crying silently is no longer possible,
the pain,hurt,n agony have
become too big a burden to be kept inside.

Guys,
Think about it,
If a girl cry her heart out 2 you,
And all because of you,
Its time to look back on wat u have done,
Only you will know the answer to it.

Do consider it,
Coz one day,
It may be too late for regrets,
It may be too late to say "im sorry".

Ponder this message seriously.
Dont do dis to a girl,
You may regret for the rest of your life.
Maybe in your life,
she’s the only one that love
YOU the most.

tHiS iS wHaT LiFe iS aLL aBoUt…aDe yG pAhiT, MaNiS, mAsAm, MaSiN…fOr a mOmEnT u fiNd uRsELf fLoAtiNg iN tHe AiR..MiNuTeS LatEr..uR bAcK aT dA bOtToM..aNd iT gOeS rOuNd aNd rOuNd…i ReALLy NeEd aT LeAsT A dAy fOr mE tO bE hApPy…fReE fRoM aLL tHe pRoBLeMs tHaT hAvE bEeN aFfEcTiNg mY LiFe aLL DiS wHiLe…bUt i kNow..tHaT iSn’T PosSiBLe..wE hAvE tO fAcE eVeRyThiNg tHat cOmE aNd gO……………………………………..

It has been a week since i stepped into Lancaster University..da university of my choice to pursue my dreams….it has been a wonderful experience…let’s start with my flatmate…i live at Cartmel College, House 43 Staveley, Flat 7..there are 7 people in my flat:

1) Me (Malaysia)

2)Heyfa (Manchester,UK)

3)Haseena (London, UK)

4)Aliya (India)

5)Rushba (India)

6)Carolyn (York, UK)

7)Kayleigh (York,UK)

Let’s move on to my first year Malaysian friends..there are 6 of us…me, Az, Rin, Eivani, Rapek an Shahbi…and we have a bruneian friend by the name of Bash (he is so cute)..hehe..anyway..during da fasting month we get together and cook our meals…dgn tujuan meapatkan silatulrahim…hehe…our seniours pon semua baek2…some of them even cooked for us for buke puase..i really am going to enjoy my life here in Lancaster University..my classes start next week and i can’t wait…mmmuuuaaahhhh