Hey guyz. Wanna say thanx to those who have been my loyal readers. This entry is to announce that i’m moving to a new blog. Do continue reading my blog at the new address. I’ll try my best to update it as often as i could.
New blog add: http://le3n412.blogspot.com/
Thanx again. Tata. XOXO
Yea…it’s been weeks since the "UNFORTUNATE" heartbreaking incident happened. It’s hard for me coz i felt in love with that guy. It was one of the worst days of my life knowing that i’m losing the person that i love. I was a mess. I was scared that i wasn’t able to move on with my life. I prayed to Allah asking for strength to get through it. And Alhamdulillah….God helped me. Another thing, I was blessed because I have amazing friends by my side giving me support. Friends in the UK as well as friends in Malaysia. I wish I could list all the names here but the list is quite long and I’m afraid I might miss somebody out. But u guys know who u are. Thanx for helping me to move on. Giving me meaningful advices. Reminding me that I have other responsibilities to bear. Help me to stand on my two feet again.
There’s this one advice given by my friend. She said that…to forget a guy is to get another guy. Hihi…i’m not sure if this is the best remedy to mend my broken heart but another of my friend also suggested that it is best for me to be alone for awhile. He said i should take time to stabilise my life and emotions first and when I’m feeling so much better and ready to be in a new r’ship..than will I only try to get involve again. Maybe this is the best way for me. Furthermore, I have tons of courseworks and assignments that need to be submitted soon so I guess that’ll take my mind off of what had happened. So…all in all…love really hurts. U have to face the consequences that might come in the way. But i believe that there’s always a right person for each individual in this world which means there’s also that right person out there for me.It’s just that the time hasn’t come for me to be with that right person yet but it will. So…to every person out there..if ur heart gets broken by sumone…that doesn’t mean that ur life is over. U just have to move on and the right person will eventually enter ur life sooner or later. I’m signing off now. XOXO
Things have taken a turn in my life. At one point i thought things will just stay the way it would be, unfortunately it has taken a wrong turn. I feel that my "happiness" has been taken back just like that. Now i’m just one miserable women thinking wut would happen if i lost it completely. People can change so easily. I’m missing the happy moment that i had before. I honestly thought it would last but unfortunately things have been slowly changing and i’m really really afraid that i will never have that moment again, but instead…i will completely lose it. This "letter" below is dedicated to a special sumone.
"I may sound happy to you, I may sound normal to you…but the real fact is…i’m crying a river inside my heart. The pain that i’m feeling right now….u can’t imagine. If only i have the guts to tell you how much i need u in my life.
If only i have the guts to tell you how much u have completely change. U weren’t the person i knew before. But i don’t dare to tell u that..coz i know..the way ur acting right now…is because of my fault.
If only i have the guts to tell you that i have fallen in love with you but once again i don’t dare to tell you that coz u might not feel the same way about me…and i’m scared that my luv for u will be rejected and i dun want to be hurt anymore so it’s best for me to just keep my feelings for u inside of me.
Eventhough i’ve been with several guys before this…but I have this strong feeling that ur actually my first real love and that’s why it’ll hurt so bad if my feelings get rejected by you. I have my own reason why i said this.
I’ll be leaving in a few weeks time…and before this i felt so hard to leave u behind but as things between us have slightly change…maybe it’s better for me to leave. Maybe then my presence here will be more appreciated by u.
I’m not sure if u’ll be reading this but i wanna take this opportunity to say sorry to u.
I may not be the perfect person for you but I hope u forgive me for all the wrongness that i’ve done to u and thank u for everything u’ve done for me. Right now…all i can do is praying for the best from Allah…and if there’s fate between us, insyaAllah we’ll be together."
Haha…i know it’s too early for birthday wishes considering my birthday is not for another 3 months plus. This year will be my 3rd year celebrating my b’day in the UK without my family. But i’m grateful for having friends yg tak pernah lupe celebrate my b’day. In my opinion…birthday’s are very important. It shows how much a person remembers u. For me…i dun really care bout getting tons of presents…it’s the thought that counts. A simple wish or card is good enough for me.
However..there’s this one b’day wish that I’ve been longing for..and it’s kinda impossible for it to come true but i dun mind sharing it here. I wanna spend one whole day with the person i love. We’ll start the day by having breakfast..and then we’ll take a drive to one of the beaches. Take a walk along the beach, holding hands, have long talks. After that…have lunch. Then…take a slow drive back home. At night…he’ll take me in the middle of an open field….spread a blanket there..gaze at the stars. At the end of da day…i’ll definitely reward him with a nice long warm kiss. Hehe…
But yeah..it’s impossible so…it’ll just remain as a fantasy. Till then….tata.
The word DEPRESS can be defined as…lower someone’s spirit. I’ve been depressed loads of times and believe me….it sucks. The year 2006 and half of 2007 was one of the worst "DEPRESSION MODES” that I have faced my entire life. Looking back at it…it was really stupid of me to waste those few months being unhappy. But people just don’t understand wut i really felt at that time. When ur depressed…u feel like u just wanna be alone in ur own world…and from my experience…it is actually not a good idea as it can lead to commiting suicide or do things which are stupid. "Depressed" people should be taken seriously. If there is a friend out there…who u think needs ur help…pls lend them a helping hand. Eventhough u might not be able to settle wutever problems they are facing….just be there for them. At least they know that there are still some people who really really care about them. Divert their mind away from thinking about the problems. Do stuff which can make ‘em happy.
During my "depression mode"…for the first few months…i isolated myself…i thought i could handle the problems all on my own…and furthermore i was the type of person who doesn’t like sharing my problems with anybody. Anyway…I failed. I changed from bad to worst. I couldn’t think clearly at that time. So..i made a decision to talk to my friends about it….get it out of my head…and alhamdulillah…the pieces of my life which was shattered had been glued back together piece by piece. I wanna take this opportunity to thank all of em for being there by my side..and stuck by me throughout the whole process. What i wanna be right now…is that I wanna be a stronger person. I wanna try so hard to not let my emotions take control over my body. This is one of the major weaknesses that I have…but I’ll try and overcome it. InsyaAllah….
Everyone has their own dreams. Dreams to be rich…get a perfect life…achieve their ambitions. Ade jugak certain people yg have other types of dreams…like in the movies or fairytales. As for me…I too have certain "silly" dreams yg kalau jd kenyataan…mmg it will make me happy. And…I dun mind sharing it here..in case ade sape2 yg nk jdkan my dreams ni kenyataan. Hehe…
So…those "silly" dreams that i’ve been longing for…is to dance with the guy that i love…accompanied by any kind of love song during a romantic dinner..and after that..he’ll take me somewhere secluded..get really comfortable…and he’ll pull me towards him and hug me…and slowly kiss me and make out. Hehe…but i know semua ni is just a fantasy. But when i’m married in the future…maybe my future husband will make this dream come true? Who knows?
[Diddy:]
Last night,
I couldn’t even get an answer.
Tried to call,
but my pride wouldn’t let me dial.
And I’m sitting here,
with this blank expression.
And the way I feel,
I wanna curl up like a child.
I know you can hear me
I know you can feel me
I can’t live without you
God please make me better
I wish I wasn’t the way I am
[Keyshia:]
If I told you once, I told you twice,
you can see it in my eyes.
I’m all cried out,
with nothing to say.
You’re everything I wanted to be.
If you could only see,
your heart belongs to me.
I love you so much, I’m yearning for your touch.
Come and set me free,
forever yours I’ll be,
baby won’t you come and take this pain awayyyyy.
[Diddy:]
Last night,
I couldn’t even get an answer.
Tried to call,
but my pride wouldn’t let me dial.
And I’m sitting here,
with this blank expression.
And the way I feel,
I wanna curl up like a child.
[Keyshia:]
I need you,
and you need me.
This is so plain to see,
and I will never let you go and,
I will always love you so.
I will…
If you could only see,
your heart belongs to me.
I love you so much, I’m yearning for your touch.
Come and set me free,
forever yours I’ll be,
baby won’t you come and take this pain awayyyyy.
[Diddy:]
Last night,
I couldn’t even get an answer.
Tried to call,
but my pride wouldn’t let me dial.
And I’m sitting here,
with this blank expression.
And the way I feel,
I wanna curl up like a child.
[Diddy:]
Tell me the words to say,
to make you come back,
and work me like that.
And if it matters I’ll rather stay home,
with you I’m never alone.
Don’t want to wait till you’re gone,
let me be, just don’t leave me.
[Diddy:]
Last night,
I couldn’t even get an answer.
Tried to call,
but my pride wouldn’t let me dial.
And I’m sitting here,
with this blank expression.
And the way I feel,
I wanna curl up like a child.
[Keyshia:]
I need you,
and you need me.
This is so plain to see,
and I will never let you go and,
I will always love you so.
I will…
If you could only see,
your heart belongs to me.
I love you so much, I’m yearning for your touch.
Come and set me free,
forever yours I’ll be,
baby won’t you come and take my pain awayyyyy.
[Diddy:]
Last night,
I couldn’t even get an answer.
Tried to call,
but my pride wouldn’t let me dial.
And I’m sitting here,
with this blank expression.
And the way I feel,
I wanna curl up like a child.
[Keyshia:]
I’m so alone I’m soooo lonelyyyyy,
Why don’t you pick the phone,
and dial up my number,
and call me a baby,
I’m waiting on you.
Why don’t you pick the phone,
and dial up my number,
just call me a baby,
I’m waiting on you.
[Phone dialing and ringing]
[Diddy:]
Hello
Hey waz-up
I’ve been tryin’ to reach you all night
That shit ain’t funny not picking up the mutha fucking phone
Better stop fucking playing with a nigga’s feelings like that
You know how much I love you though right?
But for them couple of seconds though,
When I couldn’t get in touch with you.
I’m ready to come over your house and shoot that mutha fucker up
You better fucking not be there when I get over that house
[laughing]
That’s really how it goes down right?
Kehidupan ini…memang sukar dijangka. Kadang2, kite terlampau yakin dgn ape yg kite dah capai. Tp…pernah tak terfikir…kdg2 sesuatu kegembiraan yg kite kecapi tu..mungkin mengundang kemusnahan and kesedihan in the future. Macam mane pulak sebaliknye? Kalau sekarang ni kite sentiasa dilanda malang…tp siape tau…mende2 tu semua akan merubah our life in the future? This is life….life’s interesting coz kite tatau wut’ll happen in the future. Life’s like a riddle. But one thing’s for sure…the decisions that we made today…will definitely have a big impact in the future. U can’t change that back. Once a decision has been made…it’s final and u have to go through wutever circumstances u might face.
My life for the past 20 years have more ‘downs’ than ‘ups’. I can count dgn jari berape kali i was happy…kalau in terms of percentage…i think i’ve been happy for only 10% of the time. And ade jugak few times terase macam nk commit suicide coz terlampau tertekan sgt2. Tp..alhamdulillah…masih waras…and my life diteruskan until now. Right now..and for the rest of my life…i’ll always pray to God so that my life’ll be much better and happier in the future. I’ll never ever give up….selagi umur masih panjang..i wanna live every second of my life to the fullest. I wanna graduate, get my professional cert, have a steady job, marry the man i love, have about 2-3 kids (Insyaallah)…and repay my parents for all the hard work they’ve been through untuk membesarkan my sis and i. I think my life’ll be much better if i have someone to support me all the way..coz i’m the type of person yg sgt2 lemah. And…for now..i have found someone yg tak pernah putus asa in helping me. He’s one of the best things that happen in my life and i really2 hope the relationship that we build between us takkan pudar forever. InsyaAllah. So…to that special someone…if ur reading this…i wanna say thank u so much for existing in my life. It’s tough for me to repay every kindness that u’ve given me…and i’ll never ever forget u. Thank u so much.
For the past four days…i have been too emotional. It all started last thursday. That day was the first time i met someone really important in my life. After work, at 6pm..i saw him there at KL Sentral…it was like a dream come true. I finally met the person who helped me, who was willing to listen to my problems, try and settle em. I owe him alot. So..that day…after we shook hands, i took him to Secret Recipe…belanje mkn cake. Kesian die…penat…br blk from Kedah…straight away went to KL Sentral just to see me. It felt weird at first…didn’t talk much…but i couldn’t stop smiling coz i can’t believe that he’s actually there sitting right in front of me. After an hour…we went back home. SInce i’ve finished my assignment at KL Sentral, I decided that i wanna take emergency leave on Friday. There’s no point going back to the office , sit there and do nothing. So…on Friday…since I have nothing to do…the both of us made plans to meet again. He wanted me to accompany him to Pertama to buy shoes. The plan was…i pick him up from his home and the both of us can go together. He lives in selayang…and i’ve never ever been there my entire life. The weird part is..usually i won’t drive to places that i don’t know and i’m not familiar with. But somehow…for him…i’m willing to. I went to his home…get acquainted with his mom and sis. Then, we took off. We didn’t do much that day…just try and get things done before one pm coz he has to go for Friday prayers. Our original plan…was to go to Mid Valley and catch a movie on Saturday. However, that Friday night, I received a text from him saying that we may or may not meet on Saturday. I couldn’t sleep that night thinking wut if i’ll never meet him again. I was praying for the best hoping that i’ll have the chance to see him on Saturday. Sampai terbawak2 dlm mimpi…..(weird..hehe) The next morning, when i woke up, i tried to be more like a positive thinker. Before playing tennis, i texted him saying that eventhough we may never meet again, sekurang2 nye i have some memories of both of us to bring back to UK. It took lots of courage to send him that text. But…deep down…i was hoping that my prayers will be answered to see him again. When i was playing tennis….rs mcm tk sedap hati sgt2. My emotions were all jumbled up..kejap2 rs marah, sedey, kecewa. So when i was playing…suddenly my racquet string snapped. For superstitious people, it means that bad things are gonna happen. So i stopped playing, sat down…try to calm myself dgn berzikir, bace ayat kursi coz i know that’s the only thing yg boleh tlg calm my self down. When i got home….alhamdulillah my prayers were answered. I received a text from him saying that we might be able to meet up after all. So..we met at Mid Valley, bought tickets for "Train of The Dead" (dun watch this…it’s so boring) at 1pm. We had an hour before the movie so kitorang jalan2 je, talk bout stuff. Went to Jusco…bought my perfume..and the salesman thought that the both of us looked good together. Hehe…very funny. Lps beli perfume…pegi tgk wyg and..after that he insisted that i must eat something for lunch so die bwk pegi this one restaurant. He ordered asam laksa i think..which was kinda salty..hehe. I don’t know why but that was the time my heart choose to suddenly feel so sad. Everytime i look at his face…i kept telling my self that this may be the last time i’ll ever meet him. What will happen if i can never see him again? And the biggest question….have i fallen in love with this guy? After lunch..suddenly out of nowhere…i just started to cry. He pulled me some place secluded so that i could talk about it…but somehow..i just couldn’t say anything. I cried even harder when he suddenly had to go home to attend a function. That time…all i felt was that i dun want to let him go. But i didn’t have the guts to say it to him. Before we parted our own ways…he handed me one of his Man U jerseys. It was really grateful and i really really appreciate it so much. That night, i had a Lancaster University gath at Rebung, Bgsr. It’s suppose to be a happy and joyous function but somehow…my mind was someplace else. All i kept thinking was him, him and him. I didn’t stay there long…by 10 o’clock…i left. We had a small misunderstanding…but maybe it’s my fault coz time tue i was damn bloody emotional. But thinks worked out ok. The next morning…Sunday 26/8/07…he had to go back to Kedah..so this is my last chance to see him before I’ll be leaving back to UK in oct. I got up early..drove to his house..pick him up and went for breakfast. As usual…i didn’t eat…x lalu la. Then…blk rumah die…met with his family again..this time his father was at home. His mom offered me chocolate chip cheesecake. It was delicious actually…so i asked tips from his mom on how to make the cheesecake firm. So…his mom gave me a packet of gelatine powder. (thanks aunty…hihi) And then…time tu..i br tau yg Fareez (friend at semesta dulu) was actually his neighbour. Hihi..what a small world. Sempat jugak jumpe die kejap. So…at 9.50 i sent him to Hentian Duta for him to board the bus. This time..i told my self i will not cry. Sedih mcm mn skali pon…i kena bertahan. It was damn bloody hard to see him go. I have to face reality that i might not be able to see him ever again. So..these four days…were four memorable days for me. Eventhough there might not be a special r’ship or things happening between us…this will definitely be one of the best memories my entire life. I have the feeling that the definition of "US" might not exist between the both of us coz i know it’s gonna be hard aand complicated so i have to face the fact. This four days will definitely be in my dictionary for the rest of my life. Thank you for spending time with me and making my life meaningful.
It’s been a long while since UK .
i’ve written something in my blog. Now i’m back with a brand new post. Loads of
things happened in my life these past few months. It’s been two months since i
got back from
My 2nd yr results are out a month ago..and i’m thankful for it. I got better than wut i expected. It was a relieve. I’m currently doing my internship with PWC in the Audit & Assurance line.
I’ve been with 2 clients so far. My first client was Otofin Sdn Bhd, a
subsidiary of Tractors Malaysia Holdings Berhad. The office is based in
Glenmarie. They were my clients for 2 weeks. During those 2 weeks, i’ve gain
some experiences. And trust me…being an auditor is not one of the professions that i’m gonna choose after i graduate. Dealing with clients is not as easy as it seems. There are all sorts of people out there. Some whom are kind and willing to co-operate and some who just pisses u off. U have to have lots and lots of patients when dealing with people. The company which i’m currently assigned to is Codemasters Studios Sdn Bhd. Big name in the video game industry. SOme of their famous video games are TOCA, Dizzy and their latest…Overlord. They’ve just started operating last yr…so auditing their account won’t be as hard as other clients who’ve operated their business longer. Ok, enough of work….lets move on to another topic. How bout my personal life? What have i been up to? Well…I think i’m starting to have feelings for someone. Hehe…kinda weird considering that I still have this phobia over my previous r’ship. I’m not hoping for this guy and I to be together or wutever u know…but it’s great to have him by my side. He’s always there to support me. When I’m feeling depress or down…he’ll definitely boost my mood back up again. Anyway…there’s nothing more to say bout him…well actually there is but it’s too personal. Let’s just keep that between me and him. Yea…i guess that’s it for now. Tata~~
